Reinvent! This is the word the Holy Spirit gave me to describe what Yahweh was doing in my life. He was “changing me so much so that I appeared to be entirely new.” As grateful and humble as I am for Him doing and continuing to do that in me. I was also anxious. I realized after my last post that I was in this uncomfortable stage in my journey where I gave God just enough room to come in and provide me with the vision to see myself in His image. This past year I made a decision to turn away from my sinful acts and self-indulgence in order to surrender to Yahweh. I spent the year killing my flesh. I willingly gave up coping mechanisms, relationships that had nothing to do with my purpose, mindsets, behaviors, and overall control. My willingness to do those things in the name of Jesus provided the room for Him to wash me clean from my past. How blessed am I the Father loves me this kind of way. You can imagine how many times I cried as He released me from things which once had me bound.
I wrote a poem for “Love Day” last week illustrating this new found person who I have been reinvented into. After I posted the poem I literally spent the following days feeling anxious. I felt lost. It hit me. I arrived at the first stop along my journey with Christ. A point I never thought I would reach. After all these years I finally forgave myself from my past and I no longer associated who I am now with who I once was. When we think about death we typically expect a period of mourning. Death isn’t easy. It hurts. I spent the last year killing everything that knew about myself. Now I had to start over to discover who I really was created to be as a child of God. I was overwhelmed with so much emotion as I came to this realization that I burst out in tears. I didn’t cry because I missed the old me. I cried because I had to live with, speak life too, create content with, and operate in several roles with this person who I knew very little about.
In the midst of this revelation, I spoke to my mentor who asked me, “What’s the word?” She often asks me this question to see if my ears are open at all times in the spirit realm. I simply told her, “Idk.” She followed up the conversation with a word from God. The word being, “What’s the hesitation?” I thought, “Are you kidding me?” After all, I had been through the last year. How was I hesitant? Hours after that conversation I heard from the Holy Spirit. I had given God “just enough” room to do what He had done thus far. I graduated! It was time to move on to the next level. A deeper level in our relationship journey. I found the hesitation. I was back at the place of the unknown. It all made sense. I was scared to lose everything when I made the decision to give my life to God early last year but I trusted Him. My spirit must have felt that I was about to enter into a new level of obedience and trust. It was the same feeling I had last year when I let it all go for God. That’s why I was hesitant. My God!
I had to repent. I was sorry for not trusting Yahweh as I had trusted Him before. I was sorry for limiting what He wanted to do in my life as this new creature in Him. I was sorry for being hesitant to travel further in our journey together. Most importantly I was sorry for not fully embracing the full journey that was ahead of me.
Maybe you’re at this exact place in your relationship journey with Christ. The place where you’re dictating the pace at which you’re moving. Maybe you feel like you’ve had enough obstacles to overcome or that you have nothing else to give. Believe me, I know the feeling but we’re capable of reaching places in God’s strength that we can’t reach in our own. I encourage you to find solace in the two things that helped me this past week. The first thing was a scripture. “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” The second thing came from a television show. The lead character simply said, “Don’t give up before the miracle happens.”
My brother and sister in Christ. No matter where you are in your relationship with Yahweh I challenge you to hold on. Let God be who He is. Move out of His way. Don’t grow tired in your well doing. Your miracle is waiting to manifest. Blessings.